Swim-Jacks Mannequin

I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about my father recently. He passed away in January of 2009 of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, and was such a good man. It devastated me, and it didn’t help that I was struggling with depression before that. There were many days that I had to fight just to get out of bed and take on the day. My job was outsourced less than a week ago, and my lease ended around the same time, leaving me to depend the kindness of my friends who are letting me stay with them until things become a little bit easier. All of this happened in the span of a little less than a month. There is obviously quite a bit on my plate, but thus far I have had four interviews, have two more scheduled, and am making plans to go to school for social work or human resources in the fall. There have been a few times where I have wanted to just give up and let go, times where I have just wanted to walk away from the difficulties that have been plaguing me. For some reason, I have not made that decision. I continue to spend hours trying to get a job, hours looking into school, and hours are spent doing everything I can to be a good son, boyfriend, brother, and friend. I can only imagine that it’s my dad’s razor-sharp focus and calm way of looking at things that is helping me do the things necessary to further my life. Though I struggle with not being able to see him, his positivity that shone through when he was alive is what keeps me sane now. It is what makes me continue to see the big picture, even when I want to cry woe is me and put an end to it. This song by Jacks Mannequin was written when Andrew McMahon, the lead singer and pianist, was fighting leukemia. It was incredibly relevant to what my father was going through, and his eyes lit up when I played it for him. Whenever I hear this song, it proves to me that we are all worth the fight and all of the issues in our lives. Overcome whatever is plaguing you, and don’t be afraid to reach out when you need someone. Odds are, you will find someone that will be there to grab your hand.

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